I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
