is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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