i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
