She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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