Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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