I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
