i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
