rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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