i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
