He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
