Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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