Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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