I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
