i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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