So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
