the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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