some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
