I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
