Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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