You made me cry and you don't even care
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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