Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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