I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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