Plan B is the new Plan A
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
