I wanna bring you to show and tell
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
