Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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