You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
