you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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