i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic