he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
