There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's blow job season.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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