i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.