Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby