Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (769): View more from Mississippi

  My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (769): My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth http://tfl.nu/6ama
  Replies (33) Good night (3419) Bad night (2602)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh and I threw up on myself...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine (303): Oh and I threw up on myself... http://tfl.nu/hxn5
  Replies (41) Good night (1823) Bad night (7384)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit. http://tfl.nu/udb7
  Replies (13) Good night (3861) Bad night (2555)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd
  Replies (21) Good night (5307) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source http://tfl.nu/0y8j
  Replies (14) Good night (1137) Bad night (3671)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk. http://tfl.nu/xqiq
  Replies (11) Good night (3416) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation. http://tfl.nu/zsht
  Replies (2) Good night (2006) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  How was your weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): How was your weekend? (508): The sex was so good. It hurts to exist. http://tfl.nu/pe42
  Replies (4) Good night (3318) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/2zix
  Replies (4) Good night (1151) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY http://tfl.nu/g1zc
  Replies (2) Good night (1233) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day. http://tfl.nu/r0vt
  Replies (6) Good night (1223) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king. http://tfl.nu/29xr
  Replies (7) Good night (1453) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile. http://tfl.nu/y0n1
  Replies (4) Good night (1075) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (+81): View more from

  Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+81): Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that. http://tfl.nu/zx1z
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.

  (818): View more from California

  Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history. (818): Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night. http://tfl.nu/hwf0
  Replies (6) Good night (401) Bad night (1246)

Randomize