also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.