he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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