So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
