TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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