did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
