mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
