Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
