He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
