Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
