I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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