I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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