Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
