Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
