Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
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ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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