WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
