what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
