Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
