Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
