somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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