Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
