My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.