I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
how does that bad decision feel?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
