Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?