you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.