hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.