Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"