why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
