the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.