maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?