he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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