Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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