HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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