Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
