You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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