i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
