It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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