HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
