During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
