Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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