is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
