i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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