she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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