I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
