FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
