a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
