Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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