why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
