THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
