if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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